Tonight, a good pal set me thinking more about God with his many questions like: Why did God let Satan fall and invade the world?; Why did God allow sin to enter the world?; if he knew that all these sins were going to happen then why did he allow it?; don't you think God is such a sadist? blah blah... He felt that he is just a puppet for God to play with - he even depicted a scenario that God has many television sets in front of him that shows all the sufferings of the world. Oh well, I tried providing answers (with the help from the bible and some online resources) but...he was not convinced. well, i tried and I told him that I believed God because of throughout my years of knowing Him, I have seen and tasted His goodness and felt it for Myself.
He was a Christian, and has felt God but what he wants is to have hard-core evidence to support those feelings. still claims that he believes in God's existence but not in His goodness. Told him to come to church to search for the answers himself but he always pang say me...sigh, he is super weird la, but what to do he's my dear friend:)Will just continue to pray that he will not be so depressed all the time and that he'll come one day...(he promised anyway..hmm..)
Oh, I would like to know the answers to these questions too, not that I doubt God or anything but the knowledge will definitely come in handy. Come to think of it, Zhifeng asked me before but I was inadequately equipped to answer him, especially since he asked about what the bible says about sexual purity and I was a little taken back. (think my chicken rice was distracting me at that time, haha) hmm...shall seek Pastors' advice one day....
well, like I told him, I choose to believe rather than to doubt. don't wish to go too much into this but it's our choice to choose what is good, especially when its right in front of us, waiting to be chosen and received.
Once again just want to thank God for giving me the chance of Salvation ("second chance") to experience His love for me.
Time for a good night's rest after so much thinking (helped Jean with her 600-word law essay after my Banking Law paper today...) whew, brain super exhausted need to recuperate.
PamBloggedToday;
12:43 AM
Friday, February 17, 2006
now i understand the purpose of sanctification week - its to prepare us for the tabernacle experience to meet God. yesterday was focusing on our hearts, to be willing and obedient hearts, and also to have compassionate hearts for the poor and oppressed.
rushed down from school, finally finished the video for mediation project! no more deadlines:)
then had some supper with viv, winnie, syl, zc, jed and youyi. winnie was super entertaining(talking about how animals were cut up and how spiders and butterflies reproduced) like ZHENCHANG said, its enough knowledge to produce an encyclopedia..haha!
i'm off to NTU to meet jean for lunch and to study for Banking & Finance paper on Monday.
ciaoz.
PamBloggedToday;
10:09 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
the constant gardener was so inspiring that it got me feeling emotional for the whole day. its about a British diplomat going all the way to search for the reasons behind his wife's death, even though he was risking his life. he loved her so much despite his doubts, misunderstandings and miscommunications. (sad huh, that relationships can fall apart just because people don't talk to each other properly) Also, it focused on the sorry plight of Africans who are being used by huge companies to test new drugs, which do more harm than good. My heart went out to the little girl who had was refused entry because of the plane seat limit. "if she's lucky, she may find a refugee camp and settle down. if she's not....."
oh well, what a sad movie to watch on Valentine's day - at least i did something with friends... watched it with zc, grace and her guy friend. anyway we had waffles, (which cheered me up a little).
V-day is just another day(i still dun see what's so special abt it...), kinda sick seeing couples in orchard in the same shirts with same design and colours. no, not jealous, just really disgusted...this should be banned worldwide!
anyway, dance performance by the NUS dance ensemble was quite good (but not comparable with the real big event which i watched some years back) . didn't go to holland V for dinner cos Jean told me that it was expensive and not as nice as i thought it would be...so had dinner cooked by zc:) not bad at all i must say, i felt perfectly fine the rest of the evening with NO stomach discomforts, good job.
time to go for sanctification week and catch up with the girls. need to chat with new "mommy" Karen too. facial and curry fish head lunch with syl and dad, can't wait for tmr:)
PamBloggedToday;
1:25 AM
Monday, February 13, 2006
got all wet at Beacon's today cos they said all workers get it and mine was long overdue cos i've been there for weeks! *watever* anyway, we had fun getting everyone wet (me first of course, with ice water) - Ben's "great" idea, think we were grabbing at each other and ending up all wet.
church: again, we have to change leaders! again!!! this time we'll be under Karen Wong, cos Jasmine is "not coming back for sometime" which I interpreted as "forever". seriously, I thought my relationship with Jasmine was improving but now, I just lost all respect for her. I don't understand why she chose to leave church and do whatever she chose to do...parental objection? i think its more than that.
no, i'm not angry or hate her or what, just feel numbed already..I have not had a proper leader since Josh.(sec 4) it was because of all these re-re-re-restructuring that almost got me changing churches. and I haven't been growing much spiritually until recently...but somehow, God told me to stay (esp the time when Jean left), and I obeyed.
anyway through all the "tough times" that Jasmine went through, it was a time when the girls got together and bonded! amazing how things can change even in such circumstances, i still remember how distant we all were when we first joined YC.......
just pray that the girls will uphold each other and that we'll be able to bond with Karen Wong and her girls, should be fine I guess, since one or two is also in YA (thank God for YA!)...:) and I find Karen approachable as well!
family: so pissed with my parents, they just cannot stop quarelling over money (like...forever?), dad is not moving on with his business and makes useless trips to Malaysia for Goodness-knows-what! and mum just cannot stop criticising (everyone at home - that's why i just want to get out of the house whenever she's home...) Every week, pastors' messages are just another blame-and-shame session. thought of putting what I learnt in mediation but instead of answering my questions, dad went on to defend himself and they ended up quarreling (again and again and again). '*door slams..hard*
I REALLY CANNOT BE BOTHERED ANYMORE!
seriously, i told Sylvia that I rather they got separated than make all of us go through daily torture. oh whatever, i've given up asking God to help them because it has just been dragging on for so long, I think personally, I've given up on them.
Now, I just want to finish my finals this February, apply to NIE and hope for a successful entry, get a job to support me after Poly ends.. As for other matters, they can wait.. God will make a way.
PamBloggedToday;
1:12 AM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
after several attempts of postponing the date to take NAPFA test, hoping that school might change their minds about making it compulsory, finally, I completed it yesterday evening, once and for all!
this is the first time that I am taking the 5 items AND the 2.4km run all within the same day - whew, the whole thing took 3-7.30pm, because there was a huge turn-out which consisted of all the last-minute pple, just like me.
sit-up: 32 - A(>31)/5 points flex arm pull up - 22 - B(short of 1 to A)/4 points sit and reach (my worst) - 36cm - C/3 points standing broad jump - 194cm - B(again short of 2cm to A) - 4 points shuttle run - 11.3s - B(AGAIN short of 0.1s to A) - 4 points
I am so fed up with my almost there but CMI performance! esp shuttle run - while running towards the "wooden block" we had to pick up, I missed and grabbed air instead and almost tripped... had a chance at a 2nd attempt but decided to save energy for 2.4km instead.
a little disappointed with my 2.4km timing - 14.06 minutes...but was really tired yesterday and I had been training enough, the only thing I'm satisfied with is the fact that I was constant and didn't stop despite my aching muscles, I was also pushing some of the guys who were lagging (for eg. Xuan, cos he requested for "some female support" and I was pushing him forward like 3 times along the way until he gave up and I went off without him....so NOT man can!) - and I still remember my personal record set in secondary 1 of 11.38 minutes...sigh..
oh well, anyway just thank God that I do not have to take NAPFA again! good luck to all those guys who need to take a re-test at Toa Payoh (guys like Peiming, ShiXian and Xuan!)
ps: pls dun give violent "slaps" on my back, or kick my legs, or box my arms, or even tickling, I cannot take in any extra pain...
:/
PamBloggedToday;
12:26 AM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
jean sent me the link to listen to Pastos Prince's message - Romans 8 the "victorious" chapter!
beginning: there is no condemnation for belivers middle: we are more than conquerors end: there is NO separation from God!
after listening to Pastor Prince's inspiring and God-filled message, i feel so light-hearted and "victorious"!(it kinda ties in with Pastor Melvyn's message on "a new beginning" - Isaiah 43:18>>forget the past for God has given us a new beginning!). i went forward for altar-call this week because i just felt that God wanted me to take the step forward (taking the initiative) to pray for "new beginnings" in all areas of my life, specifically my studies and learning to prioritise. I also know that God still wants me to guard my heart(even more), the best is yet to come, have faith!
one thing that hit me especially, about Pastor Prince's message is that many believers pray with an answer that we want, which is wrong, obviously because we are seeking God's guidance while trying to "get your way". it's like a struggle of law and grace as in Romans 7 which tells us about the great Apostle Paul's struggles. I just pray everyday that I will put God FIRST in everything, and by his Grace, i put my life in His hands.
so for example(pastor's example), I pray to God about Mr. A (a guy I "think" I like alot until I think he is "the one")... instead of trusting God. Aa result, when your "prayer" does not get answered, you question God and get hurt and all that silly stuff, but in the first place, did you trust God? did you ever think that God has something else for you? No!! instead you already have an answer and expect God to give you the exact answer to your prayer.... it's obviously Man's way and that is absolutely not God wants His children to do!
yup, so inspired and clearer about my directions now:) it's always refreshing to listen to Pastor Prince now-and-then, I am so blessed everytime.
do take some time to listen, it's long but u will definitely learn so much and feel really refreshed:)
heeee..meeting jean at airport for yummy lunch (and my fav bandung) at T2's food centre, then we'll study at Pacific coffee - like studying with jean piggie(nerd queen i always call her, haha!), just feel comfortable and feel like i'm actually doing substantial work. (i love nerds! you go jean!)
PamBloggedToday;
12:47 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
updates for now, i just completed a 3-days stint as a facilitator for an enrichment course with a class of Primary 6 girls at CHIJ (our lady of good counsel), the truth is: Kids these days can be monsterS! (however, i've learnt how to handle them better somehow, and it has made me become more decisive in my choice to go into teaching) even though a handful cried on my 1st day and were disobedient, most of them have been really nice:) a smile was put into my heart when some requested for me to be their facilitator should they have to go through the course again, so sweet right? (of course some had to give smart-alec answers like: next year sec 1 no need to take lar, answer this kind of stupid question for what???) haha, what an experience!
Thank God i'm down to ONE final project - Mediation Presentation (role-playing) before i get down to start cramming for my final exams. by 27th February i'll be 'Free'! come to think of it, i better apply for NIE soon, haha...
oh, gracia's gone back to perth already, so gonna miss her!this year has been really great - not to mention more visiting and bonding with friends, especially network pple; i've made new friends within the network as well; managed to spend and enjoy more time with gracia (maybe cos i'm not as nerdy and boring as i was a year ago...haha)
that's all for now, better sleep or else i'll be late for SOL again*arbish*
PamBloggedToday;
1:57 AM
Hers
Calling her Pamelia
She LOVES to travel
A women's age is a secret, she is no exception
She likes to speak weird language, KOREAN
She is crazy over KOREA stuff
She loves to DANCE
&&& She LOVES airport job
