The Room of Cadbury Milk Chocolates

Saturday, December 09, 2006

when you try to make everyone happy, you can't.
when you try to make it up for something u've done, you're never good enough.
when you try to do this or that, you always get something else.
so why do we even try?

i'm sick of trying to do this and that. really, sometimes nothing seems to be the best of our abilities no matter how hard we try. people and places and things which used to be where i find comfort in, are no longer what they are. instead they've become things which make me doubt and lose hope and even more.

you're great friends/family/great help one day, the next moment you're spiting/grabbing each other by the neck/screaming the hell out at one another.. who can you count on now?

back from grandma's birthday dinner at some stupid buffet restaurant. stupid being the idea of even having the dinner there! 40 pple all separated into their own family - to each his own. i barely talked or even greeted half of my relatives. i'm sick of always being the first one to greet, and having to receive those scorns/fake smiles/eyes-rolling.

for example, one cousin came and left immediately because she didn't feel like there were seats for her. ya, it was a little messy because everyone were put into different tables but the point is she just left, like that. rude. but it seems she thought she had the right because she was kind of the sole care-giver of granny.

another one, p4 boy with his stuck-up sec 3 sister. these kids have the noisiest father who boasts of everything and their mum keeps to herself, one who is guilty of fake smile, but really his kids are just poorly brought up or maybe were instilled too much self confidence and pride by their great almighty dad. they never ever ever take the initiative to greet or talk to pple. the sister simply rolls her eyes whenever i see her at dinners, fine nvm. the boy will walk around but he never greets unless u make him. to think we even babysat them when they were younger.

here's the one and only conversation i had with him today. maybe not conversation cos it requires two pple to respond to each other right? it seemed like he wasn't really responding, oh well it shows a great lot.

me: John Lim, come here! (i repeated 2 times b4 he turned, stared and walked over)
boy: what.
me: how old are you already?
boy: 11.
me: oh, don't they teach you how to greet your elders in school?
boy: -dumbfounded- -walks back to his table without greeting of course-

there, my relatives from the dark side.

oh, did i mention another cousin who lives 4 floors above us? no i didn't. i've only gone over to his place twice: to see baby and borrow comp. not invited. we invite ourselves over. when we see them in lifts it's so akward i rather spend the extra seconds waiting for another lift. we either say 'hi' then wait for me to say 'bye' OR i ask where they're going/how's the baby blah.... the questions repeat themselves although i already know the answers to them. oh well, my cousins on the 10th floor.
so, today when his nice sister told us that we could get a ride from him back home - the only thing i saw was unwillingness. i think she knew why when i said no immediately, but really i felt so much at ease taking the bus home. it's better than 20 minutes of silence in the car - sheer ****

haiya, i can't wait for the christmas gathering with the bright side of the family - my dad's side folks are the best folks man. my cousin always try to give me advice and show her concern - it's more than those little makan times and shopping trips. it seems she's the only one who totally understands why i can't get along with her and can relate with me about almost anything else.. haha she's the one who told me abt church guys being like uncut diamonds. she's like the da jie i never had la. even her hubby's nice - when she grumbles abt him not showing her respect, i'm shocked. like i said, it's too much of the dark side..

and though it's half the number of folks, it's double the noise and fun! ya, she doesn't enjoy that much over here cos she's been in the dark side too long. but it's all laughter, joy and music with them, the real christmas ain't it?

sigh, thank God not-so-nice relatives are only twice a year.

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10:56 PM